999, 916: Screamin' Jay Hawkins - I Put a Spell on You

Talk is cheap. And musically speaking, the emptiest of all empty threats usually comes when retribution is promised for unfaithful behavior. Sure, nobody likes it when their significant other runs around on them, or worse, puts them down. This is obviously unacceptable. But in song, it's met only by snarls of impotent menace, if that.

The ne plus ultra of fruitless fist shaking, though, has to be the pledge to put a spell on someone. It's like saying you're going to take them to Narnia and leave them at the mercy of the Keebler elves. It's nonsense. And whether it's me or John Fogerty or Smedclaw the Petty from your LARPing party saying it, it's equally hollow in every instance (unless your 5th level fighter is in range of Smedclaw's magical attack. Look out!).

And that has to go double for Screamin' Jay Hawkins. We're talking about a guy who hung out in a coffin, wore a leopard skin Dracula suit, and stomped around on stage while brandishing a stick with a plastic skull stuck on the end of it. It's a ludicrous put-on, a rock voodoo minstrel show. This is a guy who spouted gibberish between verses and famously recorded a song about going to the bathroom. His powers of the supernatural probably rival those of a battery-operated talking Frankenstein head.

But paying too much attention to Hawkins' ridiculous occult affectations is missing the point, especially when it comes to "I Put a Spell on You". For a moment, put yourself in the shoes of the person who's dismissed this man's amorous advances. Now listen to him bellowing, "I love you I love you/I love you anyhow", his eyes rolling back in his head as he pounds on the piano. "I don't care if you don't want me/I'm yours right now", pealing out in his failed opera singer's yowl. Now that's a threat that should turn your spine cold.

I Put A Spell On You - Screami...