999,932: "Rowdy" Roddy Piper — For Everybody

It can be difficult to select just one highlight from an album featuring such aural delights as a duet by Captain Lou Albano and George "The Animal" Steele (covering an NRBQ song about Albano), a passive-aggressive dis track about Rick Springfield by "The Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart, and Jesse "The Body" Ventura's lengthy bout of pretend vomiting.

But if you put me in a fake-looking full nelson and forced me to choose just one track that resides perfectly at the cross-section of lyrical gibberish and musical listenability (which for The Wrestling Album constitutes a "sweet spot"), I'm putting all my cash on "For Everybody". Or, as it was known before some hilariously nonchalant bowdlerizing, "Fuck Everybody".

For a song whose sentiment is basically, 'screw'em all, including you, Listener', the number is among the least tossed off on the album. Affably squealed by heel "Rowdy" Roddy Piper and co-produced by erstwhile Cyndi Lauper manager David Wolff and Rick Derringer (having resigned himself to a decade of producing novelty acts like 'Weird' Al), it sounds a little like a middling effort by Huey Lewis and the News, with an upbeat melody and a horn section that's asked to do a lot of the heavy lifting; you might almost describe it as "catchy". It also had stones enough to say, y'know, "Fuck Everybody" (pretty much summing up Piper's schtick), right up until the point when someone in the WWF realized that you couldn't (yet) market the F-word to 8-year-olds. The ensuing quality control effort might be construed as "casual" if this weren't an album featuring "King Kong" Bundy and The Iron Sheik on a "Land of 1,000 Dances" remake.

WWF SUIT: "Hey, Piper, whoops, you can't say 'fuck' on the song. You have to change the words."

PIPER: "Do the new words have to make sense?"

WWF SUIT: "Well, we have a dance track sung by The Junkyard Dog called "Grab Them Cakes", and we're releasing that as the single, so - no."

PIPER: "OK. How about a one-syllable word beginning with 'F'? Absolutely any one at all?

WWF SUIT: "As long as it completely changes the song's meaning in a confusing way, go for it!"

So what we're left with is a line wherein Piper invites the listener to kiss his "trash", and a chorus that has him, for some reason, turning the other cheek instead of communicating his disdain.

"The world may not like me; That's ok
There's only one thing I've got to say:
For Everybody!"

Oh, the world just shits on him and I guess he...does stuff for everybody? That's pretty cool. Like the wrestling Jesus.