999,791: Dane Cook - I'll Never Be You

Dane Cook has never ceased to fascinate me. The frat boy of comedians, he hasn't exactly established himself in hipster circles OR bro-town square dances. He had a movie career that came and went after a few excruciating films. Releasing a song to promote a stand-up tour isn't out of the ordinary... until you listen to the song. "I'll Never Be you" goes for a big dramatic set up and you keep waiting for the joke to hit. and Waiting. It isn't clear where you are supposed to laugh. I *think* Dane's pretending to be an obsessive fan who turns angry ala Stan. Unlike Eminem's classic, this comedy jam takes itself way too seriously. If there are explicit jokes in this song, they are lost on me.

And yet. Ugh. This hurts to type. The pure music side of this track appeals to me. I enjoy the frivolous harmonies and lone bass. The crashing drums are downright fun! And even worse, I actually find Dane Cook's voice charming and (dare I say it?) kind of sexy. I have no idea what he is singing about, but when he says he'd like to "hang out at the coffee bean", I would probably drop everything to meet him there.

He moans at the end of the track "I hate you, but I really really wanna be you." Dane Cook knows you know he's pretty awful. But he's okay with that. He'll just make a faux-rock song about it and get a latte. Including anime fan-vid because it adds to the dorkiness of this song experience.


I'll Never Be You DBZ

Randy | Myspace Video

999,793: Perry Como - Magic Moments ; 999,792 Ronnie Hilton - Magic Moments

A kind of a bizarre, yet common, practice was that back in the 40s/50s day when a song hit it big in the United States, it was re-recorded by someone of the United Kingdom. Especially weird since Como's version was a number one hit in England. Although Glee is certainly bringing that useless-covers-of-recent-songs trend back. ANYWAY, Listening to the two versions of Magic Moments side by side, the production is strikingly similar: lots of strings, back-up ladies singing, whistling (though MUCH more whistling for Como), and the sweet lead stylings of Ronnie and Perry. Picking them apart is like playing the pub game Photohunt. (or Highlighes magazine feature). However, one thing did kind of separate them: attitude.

Perry may be singing about some really special times, but in the typical American fashion he's pretty casual about the whole affair. His vocals are almost conversational. On the other hand, Ronnie is singing with the emotion of someone auditioning for X-Factor: enunciating every word, going for full vibrato on every throwaway line. You see, Ronnie made his career on these covers. Ronnie had to try HARDER, push himself FARTHER and go to the limits of what it meant to be a cheeseball crooner. And if you are trying to out-cheese mr. goody two shoes Perry Como, you are gonna end up in velveeta land!