999,927: Maze feat. Frankie Beverly - Back In Stride

Some people just can't cross over to save their life. Maze featuring Frankie Beverly had 15 Top 20 R&B singles. But when it came to the "Pop" (or "white") chart, they had zero. In fact they only had 3 songs in the Top 100. Why is this? After all, "Back in Stride", their R&B chart topping 1985 hit, seems like it would be perfectly entertaining to a white person that enjoyed Michael Jackson doing "P.Y.T." It has a similar bouncy and funky but not too funky beat and peppy singing interrupted by only an occassional "wooooohoooohow" yowl of joy. So what kept Frankie Beverly off the Top 40 despite the charms of this upbeat, catchy pop song?

BEARDS:

My theory: most of the members of Frankie Beverly and Maze had thick beards. This was 1985. The height of the Reagan 80's. After the hairy 70's, the last thing young America wanted to see was a bunch of men in beards. A glance at the top pop hits of 1985 reveal the big chart toppers were Tears for Fears, Mr. Mister, Duran Duran, Simple Minds and A-Ha - not a single trace of stubble in the bunch. Most of them looked like they either shaved 3 times a day or had some kind of hormone deficiency that kept their ruddy, dimpled, British cheeks smooth as Frankie Beverly's vocals. Lionel Richie had a big year as well, but further research indicates that what was on his face was, in fact, an enormous moustache.

Now that time has passed and the members of Mr. Mister and A-Ha are forced to have beards because they live under a bridge somewhere and have no access to disinfected razors, we can listen to "Back in Stride" and imagine an alternate universe where the positivity of this song made it one of those really popular "We're Getting Back Together" jams, like Peaches & Herb's "Reunited," something that people of all races sing at Karaoke nights and bands play at weddings. It's the perfect song to play when you step out of the house after a week without shaving.