999,832: Pulp - Pencil Skirt

Nice guys finish last. AMIRITE LADIES? Nice isn't sexy. Pulp's Jarvis Cocker on the band's magnum opus "Different Class" is not some nice guy. He's a bad boy. In 1995, way back when cholos still ruled Echo Park with an iron fist, and before single gear bicycle freaks inundated the orthodox Jewish population of Williamsburg, Jarvis Cocker invented the look of the modern day hipster. Except unlike the modern day hipster, Jarvis Cocker exuded* sex appeal. Although his appearance is scrawny and deathly British-white, his voice is another matter entirely. His voice is pure sex. Girls love Pulp. Hetero guys that I've talked to don't really have an opinion on the matter. Asking a guy about Pulp is like asking him what kind of white wine he prefers.

The album Different Class is all pretty ridiculous and over-the-top, but "Pencil Skirt" takes the cake. Jarvis purrs each line and even the guitar riff seems naughty. He's already seduced you even though you've got a fiancé and the song is just there to make you feel guilty because it turns him on that you feel bad but are...you guessed it, still turned on. He's tapped it before, and he's making sure YOU know he's got you in the bag. In fact, he's got your WHOLE FAMILY under his seductive spell since he's "kissed your mother twice, and now I'm working on your dad. oh baby!" Oh baby indeed. Astonishingly, Pulp never hit it big time on the American charts like contemporaries Blur and Oasis. I'm pretty sure that's due to the fact that U-S-A! U-S-A! in 1995 was and still is an uptight crowd. Yeah, we got gangta rappers that shout to the high heavens of their sexual prowess, but they are so impersonal about it- pluralizing their exploits ("so many bitches") and not really pointing to specific encounters ("when I hit the town..."). "Pencil Skirt" gets into the devilish details. So dudes, when you are putting together that mix CD to make a girl think you are a mysterious dashing gent, throw on "Pencil Skirt". You know that I know that she knows its turning her ooooon.

*I use the past tense because modern day Jarvis is, in fact, quite asexual. Later Pulp songs are about old people and trees (literally: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bZjKC0EaY0 AND http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEAtpuZJtu4). In this writing I am referring solely to mid-90s Pulp.

Pencil Skirt - Pulp