999,899: Robert Parker - Barefootin'

Nobody knows how to cut loose and party at a night club any more. Velvet ropes, bottle service, expensive clothes - you can't stunt in the club without spending at least $1000. And most important of all, you have to have nice shoes. Some places won't let you in with anything less than a pair of $600 italian ankle boots and in others people are walking around with so-called "sneakers" that cost more than that. The last thing anyone would do is "take off your shoes and throw them away / come back and get them another day." Those shoes would be on eBay long before that "other day" ever arrives.

For that reason, I would love it if some nightclub DJ in Hollywood or the Meat Packing district would cut off the Lady Gaga for the two minutes it would take to play Robert Parkers's "Barefootin'." It's an ode to kicking off your shoes in a nightclub, it rhymes "would you barefoot too" with "I've been barefootin' since I was two" and I think it could still get people dancing. It has horn stabs, slightly distorted mid-sixties guitar all over the place, and a hint of proto-James Brown funky drumming.

The best part of the song is probably the last line. After explaining what barefooting is, giving examples of people who had fun barefooting in the past (such as Lil' John Henry and Long Tall Sally), Mr. Parker exclaims, "We don't have no shoes on!" It's as if he was in a barefootin'-induced trance, dancing around the club and stepping in an unholy mixture of dirt from the street outside, spilled drinks and cigarette butts (this was 1966, after all) only to realize what his command to dance with your shoes off had wrought. I don't really want to barefoot at a club along with Long Tall Sally and her crew because of my fear of tetanus, and judging by the end of the song, I don't think Robert Parker did either, but provided I've vacuumed recently, I will joyfully barefoot around my living room any time "Barefootin'" comes on.