999,852: Steve Miller Band — Abracadabra

I want you to try something. Pretend that it's early 1982, and you're Steve Miller. Ready? Ok, Steve.

Your recording career, now in its 14th year, began with a well-regarded but only modestly lucrative five-year stint making "space blues" in San Francisco with the likes of Nicky Hopkins and Boz Scaggs. You had been schooled by Les Paul. You had scene cred. But after an album of really long live jams, received with critical and popular opprobrium, you decide to try something different: super catchy, uncomplicated tunes with really dumb lyrics, the kind that even talent-free guitar students could pick up in about 4 minutes.

And suddenly, the world was your oyster! "The Joker", a song so lazily written that it has a completely made up word sticking out of it, went to number one. Whoa. You took a step back for a second, mulling retirement. Was this what you wanted? Was this the life you imagined, studying at the feet of maybe the 20th century's most important guitarist? But back you came with more of the same, two albums filled with affably facile tunes. All they got you were six top-25 hits: three in the top ten, and another number one. Every laid back, simple thing that came out of your guitar, and every half-thought word from your increasingly wealthy lips, became millions of dollars. What couldn't you do? You were barely trying! Steve Miller, unstoppable hit machine!

But then...silence. No hits for four years. No records. You re-thought the direction of your career, hearing the critics lambaste you for selling out. You tried to compromise, with a record that was half tuneful pop rock and half overblown blues jam. You made it to number 24 with "Heart Like a Wheel", but you knew that it wasn't even up to your lowered standards, that people bought it out of habit. Worse, it was stale, reaching back to Duane Eddy while the suddenly abundant New Wave MTV stars around you pushed their sounds into an unlimited future of synth pop.

But now, it's 1982, you've dusted yourself off, and you're back in the saddle again with "Abracadabra". Does it contain a synthesizer? You bet it does, complete with futuristic whooshing sounds. Is "Abracadabra" catchy? It's catchy as hell. Musically speaking, the verse and chorus follow your 1970's three-chord playbook, and you throw in a guitar solo that nods, in angular fashion, to your space blues roots. Are the lyrics dumb? My friend, the lyrics are quite possibly the stupidest that have ever been written.

In a nutshell, there's this girl. She makes you hot. She has you "spinnin'/Round and round/Round and round and round it goes/where it stops nobody knows". What is "it"? "It", we will learn later, is your "situation". Oh. Anyway, she employs an ancient magic word (to wit: "Abracadabra") that has a profound effect on you. Care to elaborate in song?

"Abra-abracadabra
I want to reach out and grab ya"

One wonders if there's any more to it than that. Let's check!

"Abra-abracadabra
...Abracadabra"

This song goes to number one. You're back on top! Forever! If "Abracadabra" is a number 1 hit, then Steve Miller, unstoppable hit machine, is never gonna stop making those hits!

(P.S. Whoops you never had another hit and never will. Bye!)