999, 834: Jimmy Spicer - The Adventures of Super Rhyme

What stretches limits of human endurance? The marathon? The 52 mile super marathon? Magic man David Blaine's attempts to submerge himself in cream soda for a record 7 minutes? Anyone interested in testing these limits should consider subjecting themselves to all 15 minutes of "The Adventures of Super Rhyme" by hip hop pioneer Jimmy Spicer, a song dealing with the then-controversial subject of "Every single thing Jimmy Spicer could think of in the space of 15 minutes."

When this song first came on, I had no idea what an arduous journey I was in for. It starts out with the same Chic-esque disco groove as "Rapper's Delight." Rapper Jimmy Spicer actually has a better command of the microphone than the Sugar Hill Gang, and the beat is spiced up with some fresh conga breaks. I was into it, figuring I would hear a few lines about waving my hands in the air like I just didn't care and the like and be on my merry way. What I didn't know is that i was about to hear a man rap in a dracula voice about Superman's "fine as wine" girlfriend "Lois Line," a rambling anecdote about Aladin using his wish to travel to the year 1983 to pick up a freak at the disco, and a brag that Spicer has more rhymes than a lemon limes. Does a lemon have limes? Is that what Spicer is going for? Or has he, perhaps, actually run out of rhymes... something that may have happened many minutes earlier, in the first verse, during the whole "Lois Line" thing?

We may never know. Jimmy Spicer hasn't released a commercially available song since 1985. It's my guess that he perhaps used up all his rhymes in his initial 15 minute rap hit. America wasn't ready for hip-hop songs to reach the lengths of side-long prog rock tunes, especially when they don't make any sense at all and name drop Howard Cossell instead of designer labels and code words for cocaine. Jimmy Spicer, at around the 12 minute mark, tells us that he "freak[ed] it to the east, freaked[ed] it to the west, freak[ed] it to the girl with the biggest chest." He is now freaking it to the post office, where I'm guessing he works, testing the limits of how much OT he can do during the week so he doesn't have to pick up a Saturday shift.