999,843: The Smiths - Meat Is Murder

There is a tragedy going on in the world today. A tragedy that too often goes unnoticed. A tragedy in which nearly all of us are complicit. A tragedy that hacks away at the roots of human empathy and respect for life. It is the tragedy of meat. And this tragedy is why we must all join together in solidarity, with common purpose, to make a difference.

WE MUST BOYCOTT LIONS.

Lions are vicious predators who subsist on a diet composed entirely of meat. Female lions eat an average of 11 pounds of meat per day, while gluttonous males consume more than 15 pounds. This inefficient dependence on meat has a strongly negative impact on the problem of global warming. Lions chiefly consume grazing animals – the same kind of animal whose “carbon footprint” accounts for 18 percent of all greenhouse gas emissions.

Lions need to understand that they are harming innocent animals with their murderous cruelty. They need to remember the teachings of the Buddha, Siddhartha Gautama, who taught us to live in harmony with all living things and inspired many of his followers to adopt a vegetarian diet. They need to realize that killing is wrong, because it makes things die. They should try putting themselves in the places of the defenseless animals they are torturing and slaughtering. Maybe then they wouldn’t be so cavalier about putting gross disgusting dead flesh in their mouths.

Some might say that it is wrong to impose our culture on others who have a traditional, deeply ingrained way of life. This is a valid concern, and we agree that traditional cultures must be respected. However, this respect need not preclude an active support for social justice. Lion society may seem progressive on the surface, with females actively encouraged to go out in the world and become the breadwinners. However, this falls apart on closer examination. Male lions have inculcated in their mates an unnatural, typically masculine, meat-related aggression. In order to compete on this patriarchal turf, the females have simply internalized this propaganda, rather than the emotional, nurturing values they surely would adopt if left to their own devices. As a result, the females do all the work, while the male lions lay around like sultans being catered to by their harems, waiting to violate the lionesses with weird, spiny penises as soon as the hunt is over. Additionally, lions have higher infant mortality rates than many less developed species, which points to a failure of their social contract. Lions can – and should – do better.

We need to convince lions to adopt a diet based on organic fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and legumes. This far healthier diet will also help reduce our public expenditures on lion health care, and support sustainable local farming operations. This makes sense for the lions, and for us.

No matter how much sense our arguments make, many lions still refuse to change their behavior. This is why their social group is referred to as a “pride.” This is also why we must bring public pressure to bear on the lions with a vigorous campaign of shaming. PETA has already signed on to this campaign, pledging to contribute shrill and off-putting ideas over the next six months.

We need to hit the lions where it hurts -- in their pocketbooks. Don't buy lion products or watch lion shows. Pressure any business that sponsors lions to pull their advertising. And never stop reminding the world that "lion" is just a homophone of "lyin'."

Please help make the world a better place. Send a message. Tell lions that WE WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS ANYMORE. Join the Lion Boycott.

Also, the Smiths recorded a song called “Meat Is Murder.” Listen to it here while you get people to sign an anti-lion petition. Because they MUUUUUUURDER.