999,842: Midnight Oil - Beds Are Burning

There comes a time in every American’s life when he or she must select a political identity. America not exactly being a land of subtlety, there are only two choices. Should I be a selfish, greedy asshole who refuses to give one solitary shit about other human beings? Or should I be a naïve, idealistic weenie who is too attached to the idea of being a good person to ever get my hands dirty by participating in the real world? Fortunately, there is no middle ground.

If there is any other country in the world that aspires to America’s reductive cowboy mentality, it is Australia. Judging by the output of Midnight Oil, this must drive Australian liberals absolutely batty. Midnight Oil spent much of college radio’s glory days doing benefit albums and concerts for countless noble causes alongside U2, Peter Gabriel, R.E.M., and Sting. However, they never rose above second-tier status outside of their homeland, due in large part to the fact that – unlike the aforementioned artists – idealistic young college women didn’t really want to fuck freaky-intense bald singer Peter Garrett.

Midnight Oil’s biggest hit was 1987’s “Beds Are Burning,” a P.C. anthem about a hot-button issue that had virtually nothing to do with everyday American life, yet was catchy enough to make our Top 20 anyway. The song advocates doing something idealistic about Australian takeovers of Aboriginal lands, though it’s not clear what – the pre-chorus can’t make up its mind whether white Australians should pay rent for the land, or just flat-out give it back. Naturally, one can point out parallels with American injustices toward blacks and Native Americans. But the song is catchy enough that its international appeal probably didn't come from its politics, beyond maybe a general conviction that people should do things that are right.

It’s tough to think of another socially conscious ‘80s rock hit that’s quite as full of self-flagellating white liberal guilt as “Beds Are Burning.” Granted, Australia did so many horrendous things to Aborigines that they now have an actual holiday called “National Sorry Day.” (This is real.) But Midnight Oil’s guilt burns so hot – Peter Garrett nearly chokes on the words! – that it literally doesn’t know where to go. Man, it’s so unfair that our ancestors conquered this land hundreds of years ago. WE would never have done that! All us several million people should return it in the name of fairness! Well, then we’d have to go…somewhere else. Hmm. OK, maybe not. Wait, what if we PAID RENT??? That’s a fair compromise that EVERYONE can get on board with! Oh, but…what if that’s just propagating the systemic abuses of Western capitalism, and forcing the concept of property rights on an innocent and uncorrupted culture? Man, absolute ideological purity is so difficult!

But the real key line arrives in the chorus, which begins “How can we dance when our earth is turning?” Think about that for just a second. I read a lot of liberal politics blogs and always come away angry and stressed out about how often our country fails to live up to our ideals. It’s emotionally draining and leaves a body terrified that nothing will ever go right. But this lyric? This isn’t even about rampant injustice anymore. This is beyond overwrought “I shouldn’t be happy if anything is wrong anywhere” hand-wringing. This is a narcissistic mind whipping itself into such a state of perpetual crisis and misery that it’s literally asking: how can I possibly feel good about anything in life when there are – at this very moment – NATURAL EVENTS THAT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER? Even if all injustice in the world were eradicated, even if everybody by some miracle decided to stop being assholes, even if all of humanity lived side by side in peace and prosperity, MIDNIGHT OIL WOULD STILL BE COMPLETELY FUCKING DEPRESSED. “Mr. Garrett, everything is great now! Won’t you come dance and celebrate with us?” “Nah. The planet is still rotating on its axis…and there’s nothing I can do to make this right. Not even a benefit concert.”

This is notwithstanding the fact that if Midnight Oil got their way and the earth DID stop turning, half of it would be shrouded in eternal darkness, which would render it uninhabitable for humans, which would force the population of one side of the earth to seek survival by invading the lands on the other side of the earth, WHICH IS HOW WE GOT INTO THIS MESS IN THE FIRST GODDAMN PLACE.

In conclusion, if Midnight Oil were ever actually elected to run the government of Australia, I posit that the impracticality of their platform would doom their administrative efforts to failure. Also, I will never have adequate health care.

The video below shows Midnight Oil performing “Beds Are Burning” at the 2000 Sydney Olympics, dressed in black suits bearing the word “SORRY” all over the place, in an unintentional caricature of American liberal stereotypes. Judging by the crowd’s reaction, however, the idea of giving land back to the Aborigines is a big-time party-starter.