999,802: David Seville - Witch Doctor

I’m hard pressed to think of a song from the recording-centric rock era that's as well-known, yet as infrequently heard (in its original hit recording), as David Seville's "Witch Doctor." When was the last time you heard it (I guess it was on the soundtrack of the new Alvin and the Chipmunks, but I won't assume you watched that even if you're a parent)? When was the last time you heard it played on oldies radio? Did you EVER hear it played on oldies radio? Does oldies radio as we once knew it even exist anymore, or is everything now just “best of the ‘60s and ‘70s”? More importantly, why are songs that were recorded during my lifetime getting played on those “oldies” stations? And why won’t those filthy children get off my fucking lawn?

Anyhow, that nonsense refrain is far more recognizable in itself, as opposed to “the chorus of a song called ‘Witch Doctor’ by that Armenian guy who went on to create Alvin and the Chipmunks.” Whenever you hear it, it’s being sung by someone at a party or a barbecue or an awkward family reunion or something. Or, you’re a kid, and one of your parents busts it out completely at random. In all my 35 years of life, the first time I ever heard the actual recording of “Witch Doctor,” complete with the proto-Chipmunks voice manipulation, was last night, when I decided to write a review of it and looked it up on Youtube. And you can say that’s my fault for never having bought a Dr. Demento compilation, and I’ll agree with you, but still. How did that happen? How did a novelty song that was so dependent on a recording-studio gimmick get so completely divorced from its technological origins, and become a song that people sing all by itself, just for the hell of it?

Hell, for that matter, “Witch Doctor” is barely even a song – it’s more a hook, repeated over and over and over and over again, with the perfunctory verses (typically only three lines – David Seville couldn’t even be bothered to come up with two rhyming couplets) serving simply as a quick change-up between the myriad repetitions of that goddamn hook. In other words, here is the structural blueprint for nearly every song Kiss ever recorded. I can't believe they didn't use this as the basis for a Crazy Frog follow-up.

NOTE: Late 20th/early 21st century methods of critical analysis will naturally demand a critique of whether the cultural assumptions underlying “Witch Doctor” contain elements of racism. I’m not going to waste anybody’s time on this; you can just look at the fucking artwork. All you have to do is change the caption to "Barack Obama" and blammo, instant tea party rally.