999,871: DJ Aligator Project - The Whistle Song (Blow My Whistle Bitch)

Why does music have the capacity to affect us as it does? Why do certain combinations of sounds evoke certain emotional responses in human beings? And what is it exactly that makes DJ Aligator’s “The Whistle Song (Blow My Whistle Bitch)” possibly the gayest-sounding song ever recorded? (Not gay like derogatory, just gay like a homosexual man.) You’d think it would be the lyrics, right? But listen through -- the words never specify what gender is supposed to be blowing whose whistle. Really, if you took these lyrics and set them on top of a booty-bass beat, watchdog groups would be up in arms decrying hip-hop’s degradation of women. Now, you’re in the ballpark when your musical setting is a simple house/trance/rave/whatever track. But we don’t have the answer yet. This musical style is more associated with gay clubs here in the United States than it is in Europe, partly because of house music’s very real roots in the gay discos of Chicago, and partly because Europeans dig electronic dance way more universally than we do. So we can’t assume that this will translate as a gay club anthem everywhere in the world. (Although it certainly did here.)

So what are we left with? What, in the end, is the auditory signifier that tells us this song is about gay? It’s THE WHISTLE. I don’t know why. But if there’s any doubt what the song’s subtext is, it vanishes the instant you hear that whistle blown in that rhythm. I can’t think of anything intrinsically gay about it. I don’t know why those sounds in that pattern evoke the association of human males engaging in sexual conduct with one another. I don’t know that there’s any relation to the fact that this song spent 3-4 months on top of various charts in Denmark. I don’t claim to know why DJ Aligator (real name: Ali Movasat, hence the spelling of ALI-gator) keeps his beard trimmed so very neatly. Here’s what I do know: gay or straight, this song speaks to the universal difficulty of finding that skilled and dedicated someone who will blow your whistle like they mean it. And once again, humanity finds common ground via the mystical language of music.

(NOTE: Some versions of “The Whistle Song,” including the one in the official video, have been edited for radio play to say “blow my whistle, baby.” Further proof that censorship destroys the essence of an artist’s vision.)