999,869 - Starz - So Young, So Bad

Some music is for everyone. You'd be hard pressed to find a person who didn't enjoy Getting Blurred Lucky Lines this summer to some extent. Either in the car with friends or just cruising around, some songs just become part of the national experience.

Other songs are just for some. With the advent of Spotify, my trips to Ameoba Music are now just twofold: to find Italian Oldies and old Glam Rock compilations. This here Starz track came bouncing off my car's CD player last week like a case of dynamite...to me. However, the classic power chords and the seduction of a middle school girl might put this as the most cliche 70s song of all time, it's not to everyone's 2013 taste, regardless of the undeniable disco comeback as of late. Starz never made it into the Rock N' Roll cannon in their day, but were later sited to be an influence to hair metal legends like Poison and Nikki Sixx.

If this song were made in 2013, all the little vocal cracks and instrumental imperfections would be smoothed and ironed out. The record label probably would make the band change the lyrics to be less...sleazy. Maybe it would have been a bigger hit, but then it wouldn't have all the things that make it special!

999,870: The Hollies - The Air That I Breathe

"The Air That I Breathe" was the last major hit for the particularly sleazy-looking Hollies. It's also the most sickeningly sweet song ever released track of theirs. Love, among other things, is about obsession. You know when your friends are in love because they just. can't. stop. talking. about their objection of affection.


 This track delves exactly into what happens when you get your jollies off. After all the endless discussion and seduction, how do you celebrate? Your lonely/angry friends certainly don't give a shit if you got some. So that's when you bust out the string section! And pull just one perfect note out of your electric guitar. Much like the love-stricken, this ditty tests your ability to withstand love's hot flame. Can you take the heat? Other questions this performance stirred in me:

 1) Can you believe a man wearing just a jacket and a scarf with no shirt?
 2) Can falling in love cause you to quit smoking?
 3) Is the guy at the 1:50 mark Justin Beiber's great-grandfather?
 4) Is wearing a gold chain ever a fashionable decision?
5) Why does peace coming upon him make him weak?

999,871: Nat "King" Cole- Orange Colored Sky

Rarely does singing remind me of food, but Nat King Cole's voice can only be described as the texture of honey. It drips and drools into your ears. Now, I know some heartless youngsters have been over-saturated with this crooner being played at their...say... Barnes & Noble retail job, which is why I would only prescribe him in small doses every so often. You can't eat chocolate for every meal, ya know?

Nat absolutely KILLS at the slow jams (see the chill-inducing: "Nature Boy"), but I always enjoyed his up-tempo numbers for their satisfying crescendos. Mr. Smoky-voice knows how to hold back the perfect amount in the beginning so the chorus hits HARD. Singing seems so natural it's like his only form of vocal communication. It doesn't hurt that he has the most professionally adept big bands backing him up. The horn section of this song is about has HARD ROCKIN' as top 40 music got in the year 1950! But unlike a lot of big band vocal numbers, the orchestra doesn't upstage the vocalist. He's simply another gorgeous instrument... like the most perfect cello to ever enunciate words. So go ahead, have a day where you just eat a whole chocolate musical cake.

 

999,872: Steely Dan- Fire in the Hole

Everyone always talks about what song they want played at their wedding or even funeral, but what about what music you want playing when you are dying? While not afraid of flying per se, I do THINK about the plane crashing every time I fly. I also think about what music I would quickly pull on my itunes if I knew it was going down in the next 10 minutes. Now, some of you may be thinking, "Is this really the time to be listening to music?" Aside from clutching a stranger on a flight, what else are you going to do with yourself? Obviously I think the Dan is the right choice. Specifically "Fire in the Hole." You got a nice keys intro/solo, the usual complex chord changes, a jammin' rhythm, some slide (sliding you into the next realm), and a great guitar outro! What more can you ask for musically? Plus, lyrically, the song is ostensibly about a man wanting to get out of a relationship, but you could repurpose the words to getting out of a relationship....with life.

 Examples:
 "There's no where left to turn." Nope! Not when you are going to die
 "My life is boiling over" ....so it's time to die
"I wish someone would open up the door" ....to heaven
 "There's a fire in hole" Hole = plane engine

 

999,873: Smith- Baby It's You

Quentin Tarantino gets talked about a lot for referencing/paying homage/ripping off other movies, but he doesn't get enough credit for popularizing obscure old hits. After I saw "Grindhouse" in theaters, I had an immediate itch to buy the "Death Proof" soundtrack. Mainly for this song. There's actually nothing more satisfying in life than hearing someone wail this hard. NOTHING!! Smith's track "Baby It's You" shines so brightly because it builds like a mofo, thanks to producer Del Shannon, who utilizes Gayle McCormick's voice perfectly. Also since this is the days before autotune, you can hear every crack and quiver. Recently, I had someone tell I should buy a vocal effects pedal that, in addition to doing other things, smooths out any pitch discrepancies while one is singing. I think this song proves that the emotional soul of performance lies in the imperfection mixed in with the perfections. Also, things that modern pop songs lack that this has:
 A) major horn section
 B) major Organ
 C) the "drop out" in sound
Bottom line: I wish Quentin Tarantino could make me mix CDs on the weekly so I wouldn't have waste countless hours scouting though old music on Spotify or blindly buying old compilations at Amoeba.
. 

999,784: Aqua- Doctor Jones

Of the senses, Music and Smell are the most memory based for me (and everyone else?). I can walk into a random store, smell something, and immeadiately get sweaty palms because I'm being emotionally transported back to a piano competition in 1992. AHHHH!! GET THAT FRUIT PUNCH BODY SPRAY (or whatever it is) AWAY FROM ME~ Obviously music is the same, but unlike most random smells, you can call up (practically) any tune you want to hear with the power of the internet behind you!

Aqua was a cross between the B-52s and Ace of Base which I found (and still find!) to be a perfect pop combo. My elementary school years were spent listening to rock/oldies (with my dad) and grunge/punk (with my older sister). However, everyone hits puberty and weird things happen. When I heard Barbie Girl on the radio in 7th grade, my little heart started pounding fast and I thought MORE OF THIS PLEASE!! Maybe it was the chick-singer's Scandanavia-meets-The-Valley accent. Maybe it was the fact that the guy looked like Billy Zane (and I was into that). Aqua's debut album Aquarium was the first CD I asked if someone would give me the money to buy. However, I tired of hit single "Barbie Girl" fast. "Dr. Jones" was what I kept repeating on my boom box before and/or after listening to Loveline. It's way more serious and crazy and love-infested.

To this day, this song produces an equal measure of excitement and dread when I hear it. You can't redo your youth! "Sometimes the feeling is right, you fall in love for the first time. Heartbeat and kisses so sweet, summertime love in the moonlight". Oh god, what did I do to myself?!?!

999,785: The Turtles - Elenore

When The Turtles sat down to write "Elenore", it was supposed to be a big joke. Reportedly, they tried to cram in every bubble gum trope about teenage sweet hearts such as "let's turn the lights way down low/maybe we won't watch the show." Howard Kaylan called the song an "anti-love letter" to the label. However, the joke actually turned out to be on them. People loved the song in a non-ironic way because, *newsflash* people love over-the-top for their pop songs! The song climbed the 1968 charts to #6.

I will never stop loving The Turtles because they are awkward as as all hell and I identify with awkward. These guys are not participating in any beauty pageants and there's no need to lock up your daughter in their presence. Everything about them screams "I'll take what I can get" and that makes their songs even more desperate. As everyone knows in pop songs: the more desperate the lyrics = the more identifiable! No one likes a pop song in which the singer is "too cool." It's basically the opposite of real life. I guess people are into Bon Iver now or whatever, but...ugh. I've included both the studio version and a live performance. If you close your eyes and listen to the studio version, you can pretend it's some hot guy. However, the live version provides a lot more LOLs.

999,878: Carly Rae Jepsen- Call Me Maybe

Every song has a shelf-life with me. Meaning: every song I can listen to X amount of times before I can't listen to it anymore. Sometimes that number is 1 (most Glee covers), sometimes that number is 1,000,000 to ∞ (most Beatles songs). Most of the time that number falls somewhere in between and I space out those listens in a normal natural fashion. However, a couple times a year, I get full blown addicted to a song and have to listen to 1000 times in a row. Such is the case with infectious smacked out pop confection "Call Me Maybe." Co-Written by Canadian Idol Carly Rae Jepson and fellow maple leaf Josh Ramsey, this hit of heroin music literally gets me high.

Why? The lyrics are silly and cliche, plus there's nothing particularly ground breaking about the production, but I. Can't. Get. Enough.

I think it's because of the prolific use of the words "crazy," "baby," and "maybe." When singing along, all those words force you to move your lips into the shape of a smile. So, the song forcibly cheers you up. Every time you sing along, you get a hit of happy. And it's addicting. I'm sure I'll get over if, but what if i don't? What if I'm doomed to only get musical pleasure from just one song?

999,788: 10cc- I'm not in Love & 999,787: Enrique Iglesias feat. Kelis- Not in Love

Every generation tells the one below them "you kids think you invented sex." But clearly, Adam and st(eve) already did that eons ago. People have always fallen in love, co-habitated, had kids, fallen out of love, die. Not necessarily in that order, but you get the picture. One of those universal feelings is the fear of rejection. And no one, and I mean no one wants to be rejected. So that means you have to safeguard yourself from being made vulnerable. People are so squirmy about getting caught in a crush, they make sure to state their platonic feelings loudly. Except that can backfire. When "the lady doth protest too much," usually means some serious mojo is bubbling underneath the surface.

Hailing from completely different eras, cheese kings 10cc and Enrique Iglesias both attempt to act the part of too cool for school. Clocking in at a leisurely 6.02 minutes, 1975's "I'm not in Love" could not have a mushier production, but the lyrics insists "it doesn't mean that much" and "don't make a fuss." But holy cow, this song feels like someone is spraying you with a thick cologne. They've actually done studies with this song; if you listen to it in a small enclosed room and the volume is above level 7, you may experience involuntary swooning.

Enrique's "Not in Love" may have some Spanish-y guitar strums, a drum machine, and a different melody, but it is essentially the same song. Some dude and featured vocalist Kelis are repeatedly emphasizing how much they couldn't give a shit about the person they (or in this case, their hardworking producers) spent many moons writing a song about with a synthed out voiced wail in the background.

The wailing background sound just really brings it home for both songs. When one feels like having a pity party, it's nice to imagine a choir of people caring about your festival of sad.

999,789: Ben Folds Five - Uncle Walter

Ben Folds Five is so squeaky clean, it's the kind of band you can listen to on the drive BACK from Vegas to make yourself feel clean, sweet and innocent again. Everything about them is wholesome: from the cheery frilly piano, upbeat drums to jokey vocals. With that kind of street rep, people tend to give BF5 the side-eye in terms of "great band" status. There's nary a curse word or hard-edged anything. The 3 piece drums/bass/keys line-up didn't revolutionize music, just pumped out some cheesy piano-rock.

But they aren't exactly polished either....especially early Ben Folds Five, like "Uncle Walter." The messy pop cacophony captures that moment the band finally just managed to learn to put the song together. But what a song! Folds' effortlessly navigates a very large-range tightly packed vocal and jazzy piano solo. Not to mention the sophisticated contrast of the song's theme of batty old man matched with their jingle-jangle sound. Here the band is in the prime of their youth lamenting the everyday awkward of being left alone with a spaced out senior citizen.

Ben Folds Five may have been juvenile, but they certainly weren't stupid.

999,790: Hanson - Give A Little

It's a very sad time in America for rock n' roll. The only rock song to chart on the Billboard 100 in 2010 was Train's "Soul Sister," which just barely qualifies as being a rock song. If anybody should be able to bring rock back into the mainstream, it's HANSON, right?! I mean, can you really feel threatened by them in any way, my fellow Americans? They have soft skin, pretty faces (except for Isaac), and have buttery smooth vocals. In the video for "Give a Little" (the hooky-iest pop rock jam I've heard in a long while) Taylor Hanson literally drapes himself in an American flag for no particular reason other than to remind you that we United States-ians can still make pop records that don't need to be outsourced to Sweden.

More importantly, the song leads with a guitar riff. Remember America? We like guitar! Oh, but if that guitar sound is too wild for you, the heavy horn section should keep you happy. Or not. This song is currently #98 on itunes. You GUYS! come ON. Can we just take a break from buying Black Eyed Peas and Bruno Mars songs for like a day? Give a little heart and soul. Let your body lose control.

More importantly, this song reminds me of something fictional band The Wonders would write.

999,791: Dane Cook - I'll Never Be You

Dane Cook has never ceased to fascinate me. The frat boy of comedians, he hasn't exactly established himself in hipster circles OR bro-town square dances. He had a movie career that came and went after a few excruciating films. Releasing a song to promote a stand-up tour isn't out of the ordinary... until you listen to the song. "I'll Never Be you" goes for a big dramatic set up and you keep waiting for the joke to hit. and Waiting. It isn't clear where you are supposed to laugh. I *think* Dane's pretending to be an obsessive fan who turns angry ala Stan. Unlike Eminem's classic, this comedy jam takes itself way too seriously. If there are explicit jokes in this song, they are lost on me.

And yet. Ugh. This hurts to type. The pure music side of this track appeals to me. I enjoy the frivolous harmonies and lone bass. The crashing drums are downright fun! And even worse, I actually find Dane Cook's voice charming and (dare I say it?) kind of sexy. I have no idea what he is singing about, but when he says he'd like to "hang out at the coffee bean", I would probably drop everything to meet him there.

He moans at the end of the track "I hate you, but I really really wanna be you." Dane Cook knows you know he's pretty awful. But he's okay with that. He'll just make a faux-rock song about it and get a latte. Including anime fan-vid because it adds to the dorkiness of this song experience.


I'll Never Be You DBZ

Randy | Myspace Video